When I was little my biggest fear was that my parents wouldn't love me anymore. I guess that translates to the human need of never wanting to be alone. The old adage no man is an island also means that we need others because it makes us not just better but also feel better.
But love, true love, it says it never fails. God's love never fails. I wonder what that means. It never fails what? Us? It never fails when? In whatever situation it is needed? It never fails how? Because it is God's love. I don't really know where I'm going with this. It's been a silent time with God and that would be my fault. I haven't really taken the time to build that relationship with Him. I've been so caught up trying to build good relationships at the office but I haven't really done much trying to improve my relationship with God.
But inspite all that, He still loves me. He still takes care of my day by day. He still watches over me. I have failed Him so many times and He has never failed me. His love has never failed me.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Being Young
Okay, so there's this Asian American youtuber (you'll note how I spend a lot of time on youtube on this blog... it's tv on steroids... seriously) named Kevjumba. He was probably the first youtube celebrity I actually followed. I never really thought much about his videos except that some were funny and quite true about Asians and how they deal with their kids. So I started watching more of his videos which led me to older videos he's made. I remember the first time I heard him cuss in a video and I immediately checked the comments section for people's reactions and apparently he cussed in his older videos, a lot.
My point in all of this is I realized how horrible it would be for him in the future (especially when he gets around the age where he realizes what a jackass he used to sound like). He only turned 20 this year and while his videos contain the same funny Kevin, he's toned down a bit especially in the cussing department and he's gotten a bit more mature and open-minded and educated (he's in college now).
This blog isn't really about Kevjumba. This blog is about being young. See, most of us are lucky that our youth wasn't caught on tape. The only evidence for the most of us are captured on photos which when burned (in the literal "fire" sense) will be gone forever. But such is not the case in cyberspace. When you upload something online, it's there forever. Someone would've downloaded it and can upload it in a remote server somewhere and there's nothing you can do about it.
I remember reading a journal (well it was really a diary) I used to write back in the day and I was aghast at my young self. I was so self-absorbed and like a lot of teens was ungrateful for the blessings I had. I couldn't believe what a horrible teenage daughter I was to my parents. Poor them. The fact that I was so immature and felt very entitled as a lot of young people do nowadays, it's as if the world owed me something.
My point is that let's be grateful that the past is past. If you used to be a jackass, then stop. Leo Buscaglia wrote that he had a professor who loved being old because he didn't have to deal with the foolishness of the young. I love that.
My point in all of this is I realized how horrible it would be for him in the future (especially when he gets around the age where he realizes what a jackass he used to sound like). He only turned 20 this year and while his videos contain the same funny Kevin, he's toned down a bit especially in the cussing department and he's gotten a bit more mature and open-minded and educated (he's in college now).
This blog isn't really about Kevjumba. This blog is about being young. See, most of us are lucky that our youth wasn't caught on tape. The only evidence for the most of us are captured on photos which when burned (in the literal "fire" sense) will be gone forever. But such is not the case in cyberspace. When you upload something online, it's there forever. Someone would've downloaded it and can upload it in a remote server somewhere and there's nothing you can do about it.
I remember reading a journal (well it was really a diary) I used to write back in the day and I was aghast at my young self. I was so self-absorbed and like a lot of teens was ungrateful for the blessings I had. I couldn't believe what a horrible teenage daughter I was to my parents. Poor them. The fact that I was so immature and felt very entitled as a lot of young people do nowadays, it's as if the world owed me something.
My point is that let's be grateful that the past is past. If you used to be a jackass, then stop. Leo Buscaglia wrote that he had a professor who loved being old because he didn't have to deal with the foolishness of the young. I love that.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Ded Na Si Lolo
Ded na si Lolo is undoubtedly one of the funniest Filipino movies I have seen ever! Soxy Topacio's satire on Filipino wakes, burials and deaths in the family is crazy brilliant. I laughed, I cried, I analyzed and I was only halfway through the film.
I loved every bit about this movie, from the superstitions of what can or cannot be done during wakes to the peripheral characters such as the Kapitana and the neighbors. The cliches were dealt with perfectly because every single person can relate to this film. I mean we all know of someone's whose fainted at a burial or two. I also loved how the main characters talked about their fainting moments.
This movie gets a 5 star rating in my book. Please go buy the DVD and watch it. Ded na si Lolo is a must see!
I loved every bit about this movie, from the superstitions of what can or cannot be done during wakes to the peripheral characters such as the Kapitana and the neighbors. The cliches were dealt with perfectly because every single person can relate to this film. I mean we all know of someone's whose fainted at a burial or two. I also loved how the main characters talked about their fainting moments.
This movie gets a 5 star rating in my book. Please go buy the DVD and watch it. Ded na si Lolo is a must see!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Flaws
I kind of had a breakthrough... well, not really. For the first time ever, I wrote on a public internet site that I'm fat. I guess it's not really a big deal I mean anybody who's ever seen me can definitely see that I am. I mean, seriously, it's no secret.
But to publicly say it in cyberspace is kind of new. When we post things on facebook or twitter or even blogs, we kind of present our good sides which is why I think a lot of people prefer going online because we can still edit ourselves which is kind of harder to do in real life.
I remember when I was still writing back in the day, I would write an article say in 30 minutes. I write it, leave it then come back to edit it. My Auntie Beng taught me that because she said it refreshes your mind and she's right. I can catch mistakes better when I do that.
But real life isn't like that. We all have to walk around with our flaws. I mean sure we can "edit" ourselves through make up or clothes but it still doesn't take out the fact that we have flaws. My sister is lightyears away from me on this. She's fat too and she doesn't seem to mind that other people can see her "fatness". What I mean by that is she doesn't seem to mind that they see her arms or her legs. I guess it's because she knows that she has more to offer than what they already can see. She once told me, "Ate, they already know you're fat. Why hide it?" I guess, I want to hide it from myself... (deep reflective moment...) hahaha!
But seriously, we do all have flaws. I love this youtuber named Shane Dawson. He has a few channels online and is the top 3rd most subscribed channel on youtube. I like his videos because he makes them for kids (even though he cusses a lot) but he knows how to get their attention. He is actually a Christian and a virgin (though that might not of his own volition). And he made a video on Flaws (which is actually the inspiration of this blog entry). He encouraged those who watched to write down what their flaws were and I wrote there that I'm fat.
So, I guess I'm embracing my flaw in this blog. I'm fat!
But to publicly say it in cyberspace is kind of new. When we post things on facebook or twitter or even blogs, we kind of present our good sides which is why I think a lot of people prefer going online because we can still edit ourselves which is kind of harder to do in real life.
I remember when I was still writing back in the day, I would write an article say in 30 minutes. I write it, leave it then come back to edit it. My Auntie Beng taught me that because she said it refreshes your mind and she's right. I can catch mistakes better when I do that.
But real life isn't like that. We all have to walk around with our flaws. I mean sure we can "edit" ourselves through make up or clothes but it still doesn't take out the fact that we have flaws. My sister is lightyears away from me on this. She's fat too and she doesn't seem to mind that other people can see her "fatness". What I mean by that is she doesn't seem to mind that they see her arms or her legs. I guess it's because she knows that she has more to offer than what they already can see. She once told me, "Ate, they already know you're fat. Why hide it?" I guess, I want to hide it from myself... (deep reflective moment...) hahaha!
But seriously, we do all have flaws. I love this youtuber named Shane Dawson. He has a few channels online and is the top 3rd most subscribed channel on youtube. I like his videos because he makes them for kids (even though he cusses a lot) but he knows how to get their attention. He is actually a Christian and a virgin (though that might not of his own volition). And he made a video on Flaws (which is actually the inspiration of this blog entry). He encouraged those who watched to write down what their flaws were and I wrote there that I'm fat.
So, I guess I'm embracing my flaw in this blog. I'm fat!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Old Picky Soul
So I have always been an odd duck about the music I listen to. My sister, bless her heart, had to live through my entire high school years listening to Frank Sinatra's Duets album every single night, I kid you not. For some reason I couldn't sleep without hearing Frank and Luther sing about the Lady Being a Tramp.
I blame my parents. Every time we traveled going to GenSan or Lake Sebu, they'd be blaring old music on the radio wherever we went and I assume that's where my love of "older" songs got born. To this day, my iPod is still filled with Frank Sinatra.
Of course through the years, I've learned to widen my scope of singers. Younger and alive artists such as Harry Connick Jr., Michael Buble and even Rod Stewart started to pepper then dominate my collection of "oldies" as they are labeled in my iPod. Now, whenever I want to sleep in a snap, I put on a good set of earphones and play them as my lullaby. Ever tried having Harry Connick Jr. rock you to sleep? You should totally try it. Makes your dreams colorful =)
I blame my parents. Every time we traveled going to GenSan or Lake Sebu, they'd be blaring old music on the radio wherever we went and I assume that's where my love of "older" songs got born. To this day, my iPod is still filled with Frank Sinatra.
Of course through the years, I've learned to widen my scope of singers. Younger and alive artists such as Harry Connick Jr., Michael Buble and even Rod Stewart started to pepper then dominate my collection of "oldies" as they are labeled in my iPod. Now, whenever I want to sleep in a snap, I put on a good set of earphones and play them as my lullaby. Ever tried having Harry Connick Jr. rock you to sleep? You should totally try it. Makes your dreams colorful =)
Monday, August 30, 2010
Pagiging Pinoy
Isa sa mga hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan na itinuro ng mga magulang ko sa akin noong bata pa ako ay ang pagmamahal sa ating bansa. Laging ipinapaalala ng mama ko sa akin na dapat kapag inaawit ang Pambansang Awit ng Pilipinas ay dapat ko itong kantahin ng buong puso. Mahalaga na ako'y magbigay pugay sa mga taong nagbuwis ng buhay upang ating matamasa ang kalayaang ating dinaranas.
Pero katulad ng maraming kabataan, masyado akong nakokonscious kapag inaawit ang Pambansang Awit lalung-lalo na kapag kasama ko si mama kasi talagang kumakanta sya ng malakas ang boses na talagang maririnig sya ng iba. Nabago lamang ito sa akin noong ako'y kwentuhan nya ng isang karanasan nya sa buhay.
Sya ay bumiyahe pa-abroad para sa isang internasyonal na kumperensya. Sabi nya noong tinawag ang mga kalahok na Pinoy upang awitin ang kanilang Pambansang Awit, sila'y nagsitayuan at hinayaang ipatugtog ang tape na naglalaman ng awitin. Matapos nito, ilang kalahok ng ibang mga bansa ang nagsitayuan at tulad ng mga Pinoy, marami rin sa kanila ang hindi umawit ng ipatugtog ang kanilang mga Pambansang Awit. Ngunit ng tawagin ang mga kalahok ng bansang Japan, nakaramdam si mama ng lungkot ng makitang halos maiyak ang mga Hapon sa pag-awit ng kanilang Pambansang Awitin. Sabi nya talagang nakikita mo sa kanilang mga mata ang lalim ng kanilang pagmamahal sa kanilang bansa. Sa simpleng akto ng pag-awit ng Pambansang Awit nila ay nararamdaman mo ang respeto at katapatan nila sa kanilang bansa.
Noong nakaraang linggo, marami akong nabasa sa status ng mga kaibigan at kakilala ko sa facebook na sa araw noong hostage taking, ikinahiya nilang maging Pilipino. Masyado akong nalungkot ng mabasa ang mga status updates na iyon. Totoo na malakit lamat sa ating imahe bilang isang bansa ang trahedyang nangyari, pero hindi ko maubos maisip na ikakahiya mo ang pagiging Pilipino mo dahil sa kamalian ng iilan. Ang mas malungkot kamo, naisip ba natin noon na ipagmalaki na tayo'y Pilipino? O mas madaling maghugas kamay at sabihing nakakahiyang maging Pinoy kapag may mga nangyaring ganito. Baka naman kapag nanalo lang si Manny na tayo'y "Proud to be Pinoy."
Habang hindi ko iniexcuse ang kahinaan ng ating pulis, hindi ko tanggap na dapat ikahiya ang aking pagiging Pilipino. Imbes, dapat na isipin natin kung papaano matutugunan ang kanilang kahinaan imbes na insultuhin. Base sa aking pagkaintindi kaya naganap ang hostage ay dahil sa pagkawala ng trabaho. Hindi sa sinasabi ko na tama ang kanyang ginawa pero ang kanyang ginawa ay testamento sa kahinaan ng ating mga institusyon na alagaan ang mga taong nagsisilbi sa ating bansa. Kaya nga maraming gustong umalis sa Pilipinas kasi dito, walang pera. Maraming mga OFW ang nagtitiis sa sweldong halos pwede rin naman makamtam dito sa Pilipinas kaso walang trabaho.
Sabi ng mama sa akin, kapag may trabahante ka, wag na wag mo silang gugutumin. Kasi hindi sila makakapagtrabaho ng maayos kung gutom sila. Kapag nawawalan ng trabaho ang tao, nawawalan sila ng panggagalingan ng kakainin ng kanilang pamilya. Kung sana sapat ang sweldo ng ating mga government employees, hindi nila iisipin na maging corrupt.
Alam ko na ginagawan ng paraan ng Gobyernong Aquino ang sitwasyon. Hindi ako nagtataka na sa umpisa ng kanyang administrasyon ay nagkaroon ng ganitong trahedya dahil ito ang magpapatunay sa kahinaan ng ating mga institusyon. Pero imbes na ating patuloy na insultuhin or pagkawalan ng tiwala ang ating gobyerno, sana ay atin silang tulungan na maibangon ang ating bansa. At saan pa magsisimula kundi sa sarili.
Be proud to be Pinoy. Tayo-tayo lang naman ang tutulong sa isa't-isa diba?
Pero katulad ng maraming kabataan, masyado akong nakokonscious kapag inaawit ang Pambansang Awit lalung-lalo na kapag kasama ko si mama kasi talagang kumakanta sya ng malakas ang boses na talagang maririnig sya ng iba. Nabago lamang ito sa akin noong ako'y kwentuhan nya ng isang karanasan nya sa buhay.
Sya ay bumiyahe pa-abroad para sa isang internasyonal na kumperensya. Sabi nya noong tinawag ang mga kalahok na Pinoy upang awitin ang kanilang Pambansang Awit, sila'y nagsitayuan at hinayaang ipatugtog ang tape na naglalaman ng awitin. Matapos nito, ilang kalahok ng ibang mga bansa ang nagsitayuan at tulad ng mga Pinoy, marami rin sa kanila ang hindi umawit ng ipatugtog ang kanilang mga Pambansang Awit. Ngunit ng tawagin ang mga kalahok ng bansang Japan, nakaramdam si mama ng lungkot ng makitang halos maiyak ang mga Hapon sa pag-awit ng kanilang Pambansang Awitin. Sabi nya talagang nakikita mo sa kanilang mga mata ang lalim ng kanilang pagmamahal sa kanilang bansa. Sa simpleng akto ng pag-awit ng Pambansang Awit nila ay nararamdaman mo ang respeto at katapatan nila sa kanilang bansa.
Noong nakaraang linggo, marami akong nabasa sa status ng mga kaibigan at kakilala ko sa facebook na sa araw noong hostage taking, ikinahiya nilang maging Pilipino. Masyado akong nalungkot ng mabasa ang mga status updates na iyon. Totoo na malakit lamat sa ating imahe bilang isang bansa ang trahedyang nangyari, pero hindi ko maubos maisip na ikakahiya mo ang pagiging Pilipino mo dahil sa kamalian ng iilan. Ang mas malungkot kamo, naisip ba natin noon na ipagmalaki na tayo'y Pilipino? O mas madaling maghugas kamay at sabihing nakakahiyang maging Pinoy kapag may mga nangyaring ganito. Baka naman kapag nanalo lang si Manny na tayo'y "Proud to be Pinoy."
Habang hindi ko iniexcuse ang kahinaan ng ating pulis, hindi ko tanggap na dapat ikahiya ang aking pagiging Pilipino. Imbes, dapat na isipin natin kung papaano matutugunan ang kanilang kahinaan imbes na insultuhin. Base sa aking pagkaintindi kaya naganap ang hostage ay dahil sa pagkawala ng trabaho. Hindi sa sinasabi ko na tama ang kanyang ginawa pero ang kanyang ginawa ay testamento sa kahinaan ng ating mga institusyon na alagaan ang mga taong nagsisilbi sa ating bansa. Kaya nga maraming gustong umalis sa Pilipinas kasi dito, walang pera. Maraming mga OFW ang nagtitiis sa sweldong halos pwede rin naman makamtam dito sa Pilipinas kaso walang trabaho.
Sabi ng mama sa akin, kapag may trabahante ka, wag na wag mo silang gugutumin. Kasi hindi sila makakapagtrabaho ng maayos kung gutom sila. Kapag nawawalan ng trabaho ang tao, nawawalan sila ng panggagalingan ng kakainin ng kanilang pamilya. Kung sana sapat ang sweldo ng ating mga government employees, hindi nila iisipin na maging corrupt.
Alam ko na ginagawan ng paraan ng Gobyernong Aquino ang sitwasyon. Hindi ako nagtataka na sa umpisa ng kanyang administrasyon ay nagkaroon ng ganitong trahedya dahil ito ang magpapatunay sa kahinaan ng ating mga institusyon. Pero imbes na ating patuloy na insultuhin or pagkawalan ng tiwala ang ating gobyerno, sana ay atin silang tulungan na maibangon ang ating bansa. At saan pa magsisimula kundi sa sarili.
Be proud to be Pinoy. Tayo-tayo lang naman ang tutulong sa isa't-isa diba?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Deep Random Thoughts: Everyone's a Little Bit Racist
*Disclaimer: Deep Random Thoughts are blogs on anything that affects me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. They may not be structurally well written but they're from the heart. And you were already forewarned that they're random...
Okay, so I have to admit that through all the tragedy, I consciously decided not to follow the hostage taking. It's not that I don't care about what was happening, it's just that I'm not a person who can take news like that. I remember reading on the paper about those teachers burned alive during one of the bloodiest elections in the Philippines. I got so upset that I went in the bathroom and cried really hard. It's very difficult for me to watch the news already but to watch something like that, I just couldn't do it. Which is why my reactions to what happened especially the backlash may be a bit delayed. Hearing stories of Filipino OFWs in HK being treated, Jinggoy being rudely treated by an immigrations officer, Jackie Chan's twitter comments are only being addressed by my brain now.
I feel very sad about this for while I know that there are many Chinese employers who treat their Filipino employees well, we also know of stories where Filipino employees are maltreated in Chinese countries. Whether they admit to it or not, Filipinos whether OFW's or tourists are treated like 2nd class citizens in these countries. It makes me really sad. I mean I won't be a hypocrite and say that I have never been a racist in my life because we all know a racist joke or two. As Avenue Q puts it, "Everyone's a little bit racist." It's just sad that Filipinos are suffering a worse fate than they already have because of one person's actions that resulted in death. But seriously? I mean it's just lucky that Filipinos are such a reticent kind of people because we'll take it even though we weren't necessarily at fault because for some reason we feel guilty. So we don't say anything when we're maltreated. I mean this is a people who suffered through 300 years of maltreatment under the Spaniards. We can take a lot. But please, don't think that we won't push back at some point. I'm already feeling angry as it is posting this. We are sorry this happened. It sucks big time! But you don't have to punish those who are not at fault. We know you're angry. Heck, we're angry too! Why can't we help each other instead of hating each other? Weren't we all victims in this tragedy?
Okay, so I have to admit that through all the tragedy, I consciously decided not to follow the hostage taking. It's not that I don't care about what was happening, it's just that I'm not a person who can take news like that. I remember reading on the paper about those teachers burned alive during one of the bloodiest elections in the Philippines. I got so upset that I went in the bathroom and cried really hard. It's very difficult for me to watch the news already but to watch something like that, I just couldn't do it. Which is why my reactions to what happened especially the backlash may be a bit delayed. Hearing stories of Filipino OFWs in HK being treated, Jinggoy being rudely treated by an immigrations officer, Jackie Chan's twitter comments are only being addressed by my brain now.
I feel very sad about this for while I know that there are many Chinese employers who treat their Filipino employees well, we also know of stories where Filipino employees are maltreated in Chinese countries. Whether they admit to it or not, Filipinos whether OFW's or tourists are treated like 2nd class citizens in these countries. It makes me really sad. I mean I won't be a hypocrite and say that I have never been a racist in my life because we all know a racist joke or two. As Avenue Q puts it, "Everyone's a little bit racist." It's just sad that Filipinos are suffering a worse fate than they already have because of one person's actions that resulted in death. But seriously? I mean it's just lucky that Filipinos are such a reticent kind of people because we'll take it even though we weren't necessarily at fault because for some reason we feel guilty. So we don't say anything when we're maltreated. I mean this is a people who suffered through 300 years of maltreatment under the Spaniards. We can take a lot. But please, don't think that we won't push back at some point. I'm already feeling angry as it is posting this. We are sorry this happened. It sucks big time! But you don't have to punish those who are not at fault. We know you're angry. Heck, we're angry too! Why can't we help each other instead of hating each other? Weren't we all victims in this tragedy?
Deep Random Thoughts: Life, Death and Everything in Between
*Disclaimer: Deep Random Thoughts are blogs on anything that deeply affects me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. They may not be structurally well written but they're from the heart. And you were already forewarned that they're random...
It was about a year ago that I was having a really bad case of tonsilitis. Being the bad patient that I was, I didn't finish my antibiotics which then exacerbated my problem to the point that I started having structural defects in my throat since it wasn't healing properly. Anyway, this led to a series of diagnosis from different doctors which ranged from laryngitis to possible brain tumors. When I woke up this morning I was thinking about that I realized that I am very blessed because lying down in the other room is my Auntie Pearl.
Auntie Pearl is my Tata Ernie's (mama's oldest brother) wife. She was diagnosed with cancer the year I was born and she has survived the death of her husband. However, she is in bad shape right now. She is in a lot of pain. But just like everyone says, she is a fighter. She just arrived from Kenya after having traveled for the past 24 hours and then again on a plane tomorrow for another hour and a half. She is one of those people whose faith is so strong that you know exactly where she's going to go when God finally can't wait to have her by His side.
So I was thinking about life and our journies. Some of us have it easier than others. We all take different paths but we all end up in one of two places, heaven or hell. And whether we like it or not the way we live our lives determine where we go. So it is about the journey because the decisions we make translates into paths we take (ugh! rhyme).
It was about a year ago that I was having a really bad case of tonsilitis. Being the bad patient that I was, I didn't finish my antibiotics which then exacerbated my problem to the point that I started having structural defects in my throat since it wasn't healing properly. Anyway, this led to a series of diagnosis from different doctors which ranged from laryngitis to possible brain tumors. When I woke up this morning I was thinking about that I realized that I am very blessed because lying down in the other room is my Auntie Pearl.
Auntie Pearl is my Tata Ernie's (mama's oldest brother) wife. She was diagnosed with cancer the year I was born and she has survived the death of her husband. However, she is in bad shape right now. She is in a lot of pain. But just like everyone says, she is a fighter. She just arrived from Kenya after having traveled for the past 24 hours and then again on a plane tomorrow for another hour and a half. She is one of those people whose faith is so strong that you know exactly where she's going to go when God finally can't wait to have her by His side.
So I was thinking about life and our journies. Some of us have it easier than others. We all take different paths but we all end up in one of two places, heaven or hell. And whether we like it or not the way we live our lives determine where we go. So it is about the journey because the decisions we make translates into paths we take (ugh! rhyme).
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Blogging... again...
Okay, so here I am, attempting to blog, yet again.
Truth is, I'm not exactly the most consistent person in the world. If I don't have a deadline I probably won't get to anything until it never gets done. Not exactly a self-starter here. But I do love to write. And maybe starting a blog is exactly what I need to make sense of what I'm supposed to be doing.
So, what have I got to write about? Well, stuff I guess. I love to travel, I love to cook, I love to read. I'm cultured in some aspects, brass in some but I like what I like and I make no apologies for them. I'm thinking of doing reviews as well. Anyway, expect the unexpected...
Truth is, I'm not exactly the most consistent person in the world. If I don't have a deadline I probably won't get to anything until it never gets done. Not exactly a self-starter here. But I do love to write. And maybe starting a blog is exactly what I need to make sense of what I'm supposed to be doing.
So, what have I got to write about? Well, stuff I guess. I love to travel, I love to cook, I love to read. I'm cultured in some aspects, brass in some but I like what I like and I make no apologies for them. I'm thinking of doing reviews as well. Anyway, expect the unexpected...
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